Keeping ON TRACK with Rhonda

Wake Up for 2010!

2010-01-26T20:26:00.004-05:00

I shared in my regular newsletter this month the concept of waking up! When we get too comfortable we run the risk of becoming complacent.

I decided this was the year that I was going to wake up. It is different than goal setting - it is far more purposeful. I also believe strongly in accountability, so by listing my wake up plans here for you all to see, I am holding myself accountable.

I encourage you to do the same. Post your wake up strategies below, and be sure to come back later to hold yourself accountable.

Rhonda's Wake Up Strategy:

- I need to eat more strategically. A few years ago I lost the extra bit of weight that I had been carrying for far too long, and I didn't do it through diet. I did it through a permanent eating change. I don't diet - I make life long changes. Even though I have been sticking fairly firmly to this eating plan, my age is causing my weight to creep up again (and perhaps I've been more lax in my eating patterns because I wasn't awake). So, I need to not be casual about sticking to this plan. I need to wake up and be more conscious about everything that goes in my mouth. This means to me 1) Dessert once per week only 2) Drink 8-10 glasses of water each day 3) Limit the simple carbs (such as bread) 4) LOTS of fruits and vegetables every day. I'm a month into my wake up eating plan, and doing very well (and have Warren and Caroline right on board with me!)

- I need to wake up with exercise. OK, I have a love hate relationship with exercise. I love the sound of it, but I hate doing it. I got a treadmill for Christmas (at my request I might add), and while that added a lot of humour to the story telling about my Christmas presents, I have made a point of using it this year. I have become an exercise machine, with running my favourite activity (I KNOW! This sounds bizarre even to me!). I've been regularly running 5km, and have been running 6 days a week. When I'm traveling, I've made room for my gym stuff, and have made the commitment to be consistent. While my wake up strategy is not 6 days a week when I'm on the road, I will run 5km at least 3 times each week, with as many days as possible working with weights, yoga and general exercise. This has been my major wake up strategy.

- I am going to date my husband at least one night per month. We went and saw Avatar (his choice) with a nice dinner this month. It was fun, and although we've been married only two years, it has become easy to get stuck in the marriage rut. I don't want to get stuck on marriage autopilot, so the two of us have agreed to put this as a priority.

- I am going shopping in a couple of weeks to update my casual wardrobe. My work clothes are awesome - I love them, but I tend to live in sweatshirts and jeans or yoga pants while at home. I need to step up my home look a bit. Warren is doing the same thing, so we are going shopping together (date!) to spiff up our casual look (and besides, my exercise crazy body needs to be shown off too!).

- My skin is starting to look 44 (my age), so I have been better about washing it, moisturizing it, and taking care of it everyday (even when I'm tired).

So far, this is what I have committed to doing. What are you doing to wake up?

BTW - it feels GREAT to write this stuff down, read it, and commit it to my life.

Memories....

2009-12-15T16:58:00.001-05:00

Light the corners of your boss’s mind

Memories can be capricious. Some people remember things more favourably than they actually were, and others seem to remember things as having been far worse than they actually were.

I read the line, "the memory is stronger than the experience itself" in a novel recently. It was referring to a past relationship. It made me wonder if my memories on past relationships are accurate, or whether I've romanticized them a little.

Then I got thinking about how that might apply to our professional lives, particularly when we’re thinking of changing jobs.

What do you remember about your last job? Do you remember that you enjoyed it, that you worked with great people, and that for the most part it was a good fit for you? Or, do you remember that one person who made your life a living nightmare and can't remember what made you stay there as long as you did?

Your memory of that job is likely stronger than the experience itself. Most people I ask either remember all that was good about the experience and forget the bad parts; or they remember only the bad, and forget the good.

Which brings me to my point: What do people remember about you?

Will you be the co-worker, the employee, the friend who is remembered favourably? Or the person who left the company in a lurch, unprofessionally and burned bridges behind them?

What you remember about your past employer isn't nearly as important as what your past employer remembers about you (and passes on to anyone who asks about you professionally).

Are you burning bridges, or learning to deal with difficult situations with tact, professionalism and calm? Are you constantly complaining about your company/boss/ co-workers and everything they do wrong or are you a positive force in the firm? When you mess up, do you own it and apologize, or do you blame others?

In my personal life, I much prefer to have relationships end on friendly terms. There have been times when I may have wanted to say a thing or two, but I have generally held back. I'm glad, because I'd like to think that those men who lurk in my past, remember me favourably and think "I wish...."

Professionally, I have always made it a point to not burn bridges. There are contracts, clients and co-workers with whom I choose never to work with again, but I haven’t felt the need to mention it to them. I’ve kept the information to myself, knowing that the future has much in store for me, and my professional contacts could help me or hurt me, depending on my actions.

Start 2010 “on the right track” by creating experiences, both personally and professionally, that will be remembered positively by others. While you cannot completely control what people remember and what they don't, you can certainly help create memories that are positive.

STOP the Panic!

2009-11-24T09:11:00.002-05:00

You can stop awfulizing
(and prevent others from doing it to you)

Many people make things worse than they are and create a sense of panic before there is anything to worry about. These people imagine how awful circumstances can be; and then they worry about it, usually out loud.

There is a new word for what these people are doing, and it makes perfect sense:

Awfulize v. to imagine or predict the worst circumstances or outcome.
Source: www.doubletongued.org.

Warren (my husband) and I spent New Year’s Eve in New York City. We were traveling home on January 1, and while we were checking out of the hotel I asked the desk clerk to please call us a taxi to the airport. The look on her face had me concerned immediately. She told us that today was a holiday and that taxis don’t work on holidays and it would be a very long wait to find one to take us to the airport.

Now, as you know I travel extensively, and in my experience, taxis do not have ‘no-work days,’ especially in a city like New York with a couple of million tourists there for the big countdown. I calmly smiled, and asked her to call anyway. In the meantime, Warren walked outside the hotel and flagged down a taxi within the first minute.

I wonder if a less experienced traveler would have fallen victim to the clerk’s awfulizing. Awfulizing can be incredibly contagious.

Awfulizing the weather

I was off to California earlier this year, and my mother called me before I left to see if the airports were still open. Apparently at that time California was getting quite a lot of rain and they were concerned about mud slides. She began awfulizing about it. I told my mom that even if there were mud slides, the airport would still be open. Rain does not stop air travel (especially to southern California in January).

I remained calm again, and that allowed me to not catch the awfulizing virus she was trying to share (albeit unconsciously).

Are you so calm when it comes to awfulizing? Can you smile, and subconsciously say “I’m not going there”? Are you calm when the weatherman tells you that we are in for a major snowstorm? Are you calm as you prepare for a meeting or a family gathering, even with people you don’t know well? Are you calm at work when you have a staff meeting, or a downsizing, or a new boss on the way?

Awfulizing at work

How about awfulizing at the office? Do you remember the last time you were told that your department was getting a new manager? Did a group of people get together and imagine what type of ogre she was going to be?

Statistically, two out of three people don’t like their job. Why they stay puzzles me, but one reason people stay is that they awfulize about the new job they imagine. They haven’t even applied for another job, but they spend time making the worst of a new situation (that hasn’t even happened yet!) and avoid even looking for that new job because it might be as terrible as they imagine.

Why do we do that? More importantly, how can we stop this bad habit immediately?

Here are some tips to help keep your cool, and to avoid awfulizing or being awfulized:

1) Put everything into perspective. What is currently the situation, what is the worst possible situation, and what is the best possible situation? Once you’ve established the range, look at the most likely situation. Putting everything into perspective allows you to look at (and potentially prepare for) the worst-case scenario, but it will also help you to see that it is not likely to happen. The new boss might be horrible; she may have no management experience and micro-manage you. Or, maybe she’s perfect for you and you’ll end up loving your job and your boss. Reality says that the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. If it is as horrible as I awfulized it, I can get a new job. If it is as perfect as I would like, then I’ll be really happy. Either way, I still can do something to be happy about my new situation instead of worrying that I’ll have a terrible new boss. I avoid awfulizing the unknown by putting it into perspective.

2) Focus on the ‘right now’ rather than the future. Getting caught up in future consequences is classic awfulizing. Stay with the now, and not the future. Worrying about your new boss, or that you’ll get demoted or fired, is not about the here and now, it’s awfulizing about the future. Worry about now… and then revert back to tip #1.

3) Avoid ‘absolute’ thinking, such as always and never. “We’ll never get a taxi in New York City on New Year’s Day” is awfulizing. Even if it was true, it would be better, and more accurate, to say, “It will be difficult to get a taxi in New York City on New Year’s Day.”

4) Use humour, and find something positive about even the worst situation. Make light of the fact that you get to spend extra time in an amazing place like New York. Joke that your new boss will be like the ones on “The Office” or “Mary Tyler Moore.” It’s hard to awfulize when you’re laughing.

Awfulizing is a bad habit that is completely within your control to change. Don’t worry about what you can’t change, and change what you can.

Dealing with Office Gossip

2009-07-16T09:35:00.005-04:00

A few years ago, I was the subject of some very damaging gossip. It kept me up at nights, it bothered me during the day, and even had my avoiding (and disliking) the person I felt was responsible for spreading the information.

Initially my plan was to ignore it. I'm sure we're all familiar with "he doth protest too much". I thought that if I addressed the gossip then I was actually adding fuel to the fire, making people believe that it was true.

Eventually, I felt I had no choice and had to confront my gossiper.

I was nervous, as this person had perceived authority in my organization. I was afraid he was going to attack back, create repercussions or worse! Imagination is awful isn't it?

I was prepared, and I was angry. I think my anger helped me keep my cool (at least I didn't cry).

I stated what I was seeing, what I was hearing and that I felt he was the source of this gossip. I came out strong (probably a little too strong), and I was calm (on the outside).

From the results, it was clear that he didn't see this coming, and was immediately put on the defensive. Of course, he denied that he had anything to do with the rumours, although he did acknowledge that he had heard them, and wondered if they were true. I almost didn't answer that question because I was so shocked he would come right out and ask so directly. I did answer and then continued to explain that I needed the rumours stopped immediately as they were damaging to my reputation, both personal and professional.

Gossip has a life of its own, so it didn't stop for quite a while. However, I can tell that this person was no longer associated with any of it.

I am so proud of myself for standing up to my gossip. It wasn't easy and I don't want to do it again. I would if I needed to. It worked for me this time. It won't always work, but if it bothers you that much, it is always worth saying something.

What have you learned from confronting a gossip? Was it worth it for you?

Do you get asked STUPID QUESTIONS?

2009-04-22T09:24:00.002-04:00

I admit it, stupid questions drive me crazy!

I was on the phone the other evening, with a telemarketer (they called me) and at one point the person asked for my telephone number! Hold on a second, didn't you just call me?

As many of you know, I am in the final stages of my latest book "Common Sense is NOT Common Practice" and I decided that the stupid question debate would be a good opening. It would explain the premise of the book, as well as provide some entertainment to the opening.

This is where I need your help.

Please submit your stupid questions. I prefer if they are business related, but I will take them all. The shorter the better (I mean without need for explanation if possible), but your stories are great too for the chuckle factor.

Share them here, and who knows, perhaps your stupid question will show up in my latest book!

What would you do?

2009-01-25T18:53:00.004-05:00

Have you ever said, "Someday I would love to do that"? We all have. What I find fairly disappointing is the fact that given the opportunity, many people would not actually follow through. Why? Fear? Or because they are afraid of what others would think?

Tomorrow I'm going to put my money where my mouth is, and I'm going to do something I have always said that I would do given the opportunity. I am going to do everything within my power to be a contestant on "The Price is Right". :-)

You're laughing right? Me too, but I'm going to do it. I'm in Los Angeles after finishing a great week of relaxing and golf in San Diego. I'm working on Tuesday in LA, so why fly all the way home to just turn around and fly back? That means I have two days to be a tourist, which is highly unusual for me. So, I am going to be a tourist and do one of those things I have always said I would do!

You've said it too right? Said that if you were ever given the opportunity to attend The Price is Right that you would go? It certainly isn't a difficult game to play, and it looks like fun. So I'm going.

When I told my husband, he laughed and asked if I was serious. Yup. When I mentioned it to Caroline (in my office) she wanted to go with me :-) What would your response be if we were co workers? More importantly, would you go if you had a day all alone in LA, or would you somehow talk yourself out of it?

I know that I'm a little off the wall at times, and do many things that most of you wouldn't do, but I do know one thing - I'm not alone with my willingness to do what other people will laugh at.

So, what have you done, that others laughed at? What are the crazy things on your "bucket list" that you have done? Did you audition for "Survivor" or try out for a game show? What about taken a vacation alone, gone to a movie alone or sent a book manuscript to a publisher?

What about those of you who did chicken out when given the chance? Do you regret it?

I do what to know what you've done, and what you chickened out on, but I want you to really ask yourself if you care if others laugh at your or not? I don't.

So tomorrow, I will be the most excited person in the audience. And even though I'm alone, I will jump and yell and have more enthusiasm for new bedroom carpet than is normal. But I will enjoy it, even if I don't hear Drew say:

"Rhonda Scharf, come on down! You are the next contestant on THE PRICE IS RIGHT!!!"

What NOT to do at Work!

2008-10-20T17:10:00.006-04:00

Here is your chance to rant about what thoughtless things your co-workers do. Sometimes others are completely unaware of what they do and the impact that they have on others. Sometimes we think it is intentional, sometimes we are aware that they are innocent (but it is still annoying isn't it?)

Stinky feet, loud talkers, sexy outfits and personal life on display. What else get to you at work?

How do you "get it all done?"

2008-09-18T14:29:00.003-04:00

It seems there are just never enough hours in the day. It seems that when I go to bed at night, I still have a to-do list from around the house that never gets shorter. When I wake in the morning my mind is on overdrive with everything that I need to get done that day both personally and professionally.

When I was a kid both my parents worked outside the house. My memory may be flawed, but I don't remember my parents spending their weekend running around getting "stuff" done, nor do I remember them working as many hours as I seem to work.

How do you get it all done? What do you no longer do? Where can we realistically delegate tasks to others (yes, I realize this costs money) and where can we just save time? What am I doing that I should just stop doing?

I confess that I pay someone to plow the snow from my driveway. I get the kids to do regular chores around the house (and no, they don't like it), they also cut the grass. Warren and I share tasks around the house, both inside and out, so this isn't a case of me trying to do everything myself.

What do you do?

Are You Underpaid?

2008-08-26T10:06:00.003-04:00

I was reading in HR Reporter this week that more than half of all workers think they are underpaid (according to a Gallop Poll).

Are you underpaid?

Do you really think that, or do you just want to earn more money?

I’m taking a Rhonda Poll this month to find out if you really think you are underpaid, overpaid or paid appropriately for your job.

I would love to earn more money (who wouldn’t?), but I honestly don’t feel that I am underpaid, nor have I ever felt that way. If you stop comparing yourself to others, stop trying to buy everything on the market and realistically live within your means, your attitude, your experience and your education, are you really underpaid for what you do? Don’t take this personally, it is not about “you” it is about the job. You might have more education that is really required, more experience and you might be better than average at what you do, but are you actually underpaid for it?

What would you pay someone to do your job? I have written about this before, so check this article out and see where you fall on my scale.

Ask yourself:
- How much “brain” power is required to do this job?
- Can I do this job on auto-pilot?
- Am I really worth more in the open market?
- Am I happy with the extra benefits (health care, time off, flexibility, healthy work environment)?
- Am I appreciated enough – and if not, do I think that money would substitute for appreciation? (wrong assumption!)
- If I were spending my own money, would I honestly pay someone more than I am earning to do my job?

Please respond anonymously and share with us if you feel you are underpaid (and why), paid appropriately, or even over-paid. Be honest with the answers, and with yourself…. Then ask your coworkers to chime in with their opinions as well.

Let's get busy doing nothing

2008-07-22T09:02:00.013-04:00

Let's face it, we are just too busy. Somewhere along the way, we lost time for down-time. It is the lazy, hazy days of summer, and many of us have forgotten what we are supposed to be doing during the long hot days. We're lost in our day-to-day responsibilities and commitments.

Remember when you were a kid and were bored silly because you had nothing to do? Wouldn't you just love to have some of that for a while?

I'm the first to admit that I like to keep busy. I'm typically not a sit-and-around-and-do-nothing kind of person, but sometimes that is exactly what I like to do, and what a I need to do!

What do you do that allows you to stop? Allows you that time to breathe, the time to catch up on "me" time?

Share what you do that allows you to stop. How do you arrange it, how do you make it happen, and how do you not feel guilty about it?

We all want to know that there are some people out there who know how to stop being busy ... help us all!

What does "too old" mean?

2008-06-23T09:31:00.003-04:00

Face it, sometimes we think we are too old to try new things? Fear certainly does get in the way, but we need to realize that it can be moved out of the way as well.

What have you been afraid to do, and did it anyway?

I was scared to death when we were at Whistler on a particularly difficult black diamond hill, but I skied down it anyway. As I watched my kids ski ahead of me, I was determined to get down the hill (preferably not rolling down either) and couldn't admit that I was too old to ski that hill. Fortunately, I wasn't too old.

I've managed to lose that 25+ pounds I've been carrying around for too long, and I've decided I'm not too old to wear a bikini either. Although my husband does think I'm too old to get my belly-button pierced (I haven't decided yet). :-)

I'm not too old to learn new things. I'm not too old to try new things (such as para-sailing, surfing and roller blading). I'm not too old to be stuck in my ways either - there might be a better way to do things than the ways that I know. I'm far too young to be stuck in a rut!

Last week my older son got his official driving license. I felt he wasn't old enough, but I can't be an old fuddy-duddy parent, so I let him drive (my car even!).

Too old is a state of mind that exists only in your mind. The average life expectancy for men and women is now in the 80's ... I'm only half way there, and even if I was over that average, I try to be better-than-average and would do things BECAUSE I was that old!

What have you done in the past that you were afraid to do, but did it anyway? Share your stories with pride and don't listen when someone says you are too old!

Rhonda

Do you work in a "Cube Farm"?

2007-11-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

Cubicle Life can be great if you are a social person, and can be a nightmare if others are not respectful of the shared space. In Novembers's article http://www.on-the-right-track.com/article.php we discuss some rules that should be followed by everyone who works in cubicles. Some may be common sense, but I've discovered that common sense is not always common practice; so I put these rules to paper.

This list is by no means complete, so please post your cubicle pet peeves. What do people in cubicles do that you wish they wouldn't do? And since these pet peeves are the first step in creating conflict, you may wish to visit my new site http://www.DealingWithDifficultPeople.org to read about tips and solutions or sign up for our upcoming teleseminars: Dealing with Difficult People on December 11th or Confrontation Skills on February 13th.

Thanks for sharing, and I hope that you feel better after you unload in your comments (better make them from Anonymous just in case!)

What Not to Wear

2007-09-19T13:23:00.000-04:00

As you know from my latest newsletter, I've been on the bandwagon commenting on what people wear to work.

I would love to know what makes your eyebrows raise, what makes you bite your tongue and what makes you wonder if you should nominate your co-worker for this popular TLC show.

Come on, lets hear it!

Would You Hire You?

2007-04-21T12:55:00.000-04:00

I'm creating a new keynote, and I am pretty sure that this will be popular.

I want it to be funny, filled with stories and make everyone question if they should be "Employee of the Month."

So, what do people do at your office that you would like to fire them for? (Only you can't because you aren't the boss, don't have that authority, or it would cause a law suit!). I am looking for funny situations, as well as real examples.

Would you hire you? What do you do that makes you special, and what do you not want your company to find out?

And, lets say you are hiring someone for your company. What would you be looking for? What would the perfect employee bring?

Try anything new lately?

2007-03-20T19:54:00.000-04:00

I just got back from Whistler. Amazing! I've been skiing regularly for the last few years, but my experience in Whistler made me feel like I had never skied before. (and yes, I did take this picture after skiing through the bowl!)

To say I stepped out of my comfort zone is an understatement. I was skiing hills I was afraid to look at, could probably never walk down, and generally a "challenge."

I won't lie to you and tell you that it was easy ... it wasn't. I seriously questioned my judgement as well as my ability!

However, at night in bed, I was generally really proud of me and what I had done! I stretched. I pushed my limits, I did more than I was comfortable with, and I felt great about it.

When was the last time you did something that caused you to stretch?

Maybe it was applying for a job you didn't think you were qualified for, maybe it was taking your French equivalency without considering yourself fluent (and passed!). For some of you, it was a first date in twenty years, or getting back to the gym.

Share with us what has caused you to stretch. It will challenge all of us to do something similar.

While it is pretty late in the season for most of us to jump on a ski hill, do something that makes your heart race, your stomach knot, and most importantly, makes you really proud to have even tried!

Do You Know "The Secret?"

2007-02-23T12:28:00.000-05:00

Oprah knows about it. Larry King and Ellen know about it, as do millions of others. It is called "The Secret." http://whatisthesecret.tv/revealed/

But hey, I'm a motivational speaker, so I must have been born with "The Secret," right? I don't think so, but now that I have it, I'm never giving it up.

What is it that you do that keeps you happy, keeps you balanced, sane and thankful for what you have and who you are?

Maybe your secret isn't the same one that Oprah, Larry & millions of others are talking about. That's OK. We want to know what you do, for you. This blog isn't about the current hype about "The Secret," it is about your secret, and my secret, and real life solutions.

My "Secret" is extremely simple and basic. It is a positive attitude, combined with a health dose of faith.

I believe that if you expect good things and look for the good things in life, you will find the good things. If you are looking for the negative and bad, that is exactly what you will find.

The "Laws of Attraction" are part of my "secret."

I know this to be true for me from my personal experience. I had a tough time a few years ago, personally, financially and professionally. When I was in a bad place, bad things seemed to keep happening to me. Why? Because I expected them.

Fortunately for me, that is not my normal positioning in life. Sure, it happens occassionally, but I do snap out of it, with a little effort.

I started dating Warren in January 2005. I wasn't in a good place when we started dating, but he is a stubborn guy :-) I got myself on-the-right-track by applying my "secret" and life got amazing in a very short period of time.

Two years later, Warren popped the big question, and we are now happily engaged. Business is back where it should be ... great. My kids are amazing and with Warren, I'm getting two more amazing kids in my life. I'm glad the "secret" isn't so secret in my life.

Is this luck? Some might think so. I think that it is my attitude, my faith and my unwillingness to accept anything less that makes my life as good as it is.

What is your "Secret?" What do you do? Share your secret with us all, so we can be just as happy!

Rhonda

What do your co-workers do that DRIVES YOU CRAZY!!!

2007-01-18T19:41:00.000-05:00

We work with interesting people don't we? Some of them are really great, and many of them practice being difficult when they go home at night!

My full day seminars and teleseminars on Dealing with Difficult People are very popular. It seems that people get more and more difficult every day, and our normal coping skills just don't seem to work anymore.

Since I like to be realistic, I would like some of your examples of what your co-workers do that drive you crazy! Do they complain constantly, are they disrespectful, do they cheat and lie?

Vent your frustrations. Obviously, no names will be given, don't even give your real name (make up something clever!).

Let's see who works with the craziest of them all!

Enjoy, I know that I will

Rhonda

2007 ... Here we come!

2006-12-22T07:44:00.000-05:00

We are very close to the start of a new year again. With that brings New Year's resolutions, plans and a fresh optimistic start.

What are you planning on doing in 2007? What are your goals? I know that if you commit a goal to writing, you are much more likely to achieve that goal. I want you to succeed, I want to succeed, and I assume that you want to succeed as well!

I'm also committing myself to some of my goals,and would appreciate if you share yours as well. Not only does it help with my training programs (to know what people are working on), we can share advice with each other.

So, here are Rhonda's 2007 goals (personal and professional):

Professional:

Get MinuteTakingMadeEasy.com up fully functional by June 30th, 2007. I would love to know what you would like to see on that site (respond here on my blog please).
http://www.minutetakingmadeeasy.com

Get DealingWithDifficultPeople.org posted with downloadable content by September 1st, 2007. I would love to know what you want there too! (respond here on my blog please). http://www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.org

Create two new teleseminars for 2007. Hey, could you let me know what teleseminars you are interested in?

CLEAN MY OFFICE by January 31st, 2007. I am so far behind on paperwork that I have five separate "to do" piles. My trusted assistant (Sherry) moved onto another job this fall and I really need to get her work done too! (I miss you Sherry!)

Create new accounting system by January 31st, 2007. I've decided that I don't like the program I use, and need to research and set up a new system. Any suggestions?

Personal:

Lose that 20 pounds I found again! For those of you who know me, you are well aware that my weight fluctuates frequently :-) I'm up again. I went back on Weight Watchers this fall and actually gained weight! So, I've dieted too much and my body is stubborn. Any ideas??

Change all my legal documentation back to my maiden name (Rhonda Scharf), including my passport, credit cards and all my hotel and travel cards! I intend on having this done by February 28th, 2007.

---------

There, I feel better, and much more likely to achieve these goals.

Share your advice to me, as well to other readers so we can all put 2007 on-the-right-track together!

Rhonda

Advice Gone Wrong!

2006-11-23T14:29:00.000-05:00

Ahh.. the advice you wish you had never given .. and the advice you wish you never received.

Take this opportunity to vent, and I'm willing to bet that we can all learn from it.

For instance, I was speaking with Laurie this week about advice and she related a great story to me.

Laurie works for the federal government, in a bilingual position, but is English. She recently sent out an email in both official languages that she had written herself. She is bilingual, but written French is not her strength. She didn't have time to send the email to translation and relied on her own abilities.

Apparently they weren't as good as she originally thought.

After sending out the email she received a fairly nasty email back telling her that her French was embarrassing and she should have never sent out the email.

Instead of just accepting this unsolited advice in a negative manner, Laurie sent an email back to the sender telling her that this piece of advice was not useful and to help Laurie out, she should have told her where her mistakes were. This way she would learn and not likely repeat the mistake.

That is turning negative advice around to learn something!

What did I learn from Laurie's story? If the advice isn't helpful, ask the person to reframe it for you. It will take nerve to do so, but I think not only Laurie learned something, hopefully the person giving the original advice learned something too.

Great work Laurie ... now the rest of you.... your stories please.

Rhonda

What are you afraid of?

2006-10-20T17:17:00.000-04:00

Core Fears

It will likely take a while, but think about the situation/event you fear more than any others. This will create an emotion that makes it very difficult to deal with.

Check out this month's newsletter for the details, http://on-the-right-track.com/newsletter.php?id=44 and let us know what you are afraid of. Don't be afraid of judgement, it is interesting for us to discover what people are afraid of, and why it causes the reactions it does.

Thanks,

Rhonda

Confrontation

2006-09-26T20:58:00.000-04:00

This month we are going to do something a little different. Instead of me giving you one of my challenges, we are going to open it up entirely for your issues. What challenges are you having? What help do you need with confrontation?

Do you have someone in your life that you really need to confront, yet you just don't know what to do?

Please post (without using your name) what your challenge is, and I (as well as other readers) will give you suggestions on what you need to do!

Good luck - and for those of you without any current challenges, please help all our readers.

R

Frustrations!

2006-08-19T07:10:00.000-04:00

I'm frustrated beyond my wildest imagination. I have had an incredibly difficult experience with the phone company that has left me feeling helpless.

For the entire story, link to: http://www.on-the-right-track.com/newsletter.php?id=28 for this months article.

I need help on how to deal with frustration. I tried the breathe deeply, keep my calm, take notes, but I'm looking for a little different kind of help.

What do you do when your frustrations keep you up at night? What do you do when you continue to hit the brick wall?

I'm pretty sure that this will be a wonderful module in a future training program, and I would love your help to create the content. I prefer the 'tried and true' type of learning.

So, this is where I need you. Tell me your story, tell me what you did, and most importantly, tell me what worked.

Thanks,

Rhonda

Do your friends judge you?

2006-07-21T10:45:00.000-04:00

I have a challenge with a friend. She doesn't always see things the way I do, and often judges my actions (negatively) because she doesn't agree. It is a very black and white approach to life. One is right, one is wrong, and there is never any gray inbetween.

Let me give you an example:

We've bought a new house. It's BIG (really big), and I'm really really excited about it. This friend feels that big houses are a big waste of money. She sees our new home (We move in at the end of August) as ugly because it is bigger than she would ever want. No one needs that much room, that much land, and that much extravagance (her words). Therefore, the feeling I get is that I am stupid to buy this home (which is a great investment in my eyes).

My feeling is that if she says that she likes my new home, it would indicate that she didn't like her own home enough and it might 'insult' her husbands ability to provide for her. Does this make sense? She doesn't want to say that it is nice because of being afraid of having that look like envy.

So, I get nothing. I get comments, like "That is a big house". She believes that if you have nothing good to say, you should say nothing at all. So, she says nothing. She asks no questions about the home, shows no interest and doesn't want to talk about it.

This hurts my feelings. I don't need her to say that she loves it if she doesn't, but I feel judged (negatively). Why can't she say she likes "x" or that "y" will be very nice?

Do I approach her on this? Do I say anything? Do I challenge her thinking?

How do you handle when someone judges you? Is there a win/win here or am I being a big baby? What do I do about it?

Rhonda

Please give me advice, ask your own question, or tell us how great your friends are, and what they've done for you!

2006-06-19T11:14:00.000-04:00

Resisting Change

2006-06-15T10:12:00.000-04:00

I need your advice and help, because I think that I am guilty of resisting change. I got married in 1988, changed my name, and have been Mrs. Rhonda Finniss ever since. Unfortunately, the marriage didn't make it, but in the meantime professionally this is who I am.

I am struggling with what to do with my name.

I have always believed that when a woman gets divorced, she should give back the name she married. Especially if her ex-husband remarries. This isn't a new thought, it is an old one for me.

So, if I go back to my maiden name (Scharf btw), will I confuse my clients, contacts and people within my network?

Should I hyphen and be Rhonda Scharf-Finniss for a while and then drop the Finniss after a year or two?

Should I not care, and just keep the Finniss? (and then, to complicate even more, what happens if I remarry?)

Because it is so complicated, I'm resisting and would love your advice!

Rhonda :-)