Wake Up for 2010!

I shared in my regular newsletter this month the concept of waking up! When we get too comfortable we run the risk of becoming complacent.

I decided this was the year that I was going to wake up. It is different than goal setting - it is far more purposeful. I also believe strongly in accountability, so by listing my wake up plans here for you all to see, I am holding myself accountable.

I encourage you to do the same. Post your wake up strategies below, and be sure to come back later to hold yourself accountable.

Rhonda's Wake Up Strategy:

- I need to eat more strategically. A few years ago I lost the extra bit of weight that I had been carrying for far too long, and I didn't do it through diet. I did it through a permanent eating change. I don't diet - I make life long changes. Even though I have been sticking fairly firmly to this eating plan, my age is causing my weight to creep up again (and perhaps I've been more lax in my eating patterns because I wasn't awake). So, I need to not be casual about sticking to this plan. I need to wake up and be more conscious about everything that goes in my mouth. This means to me 1) Dessert once per week only 2) Drink 8-10 glasses of water each day 3) Limit the simple carbs (such as bread) 4) LOTS of fruits and vegetables every day. I'm a month into my wake up eating plan, and doing very well (and have Warren and Caroline right on board with me!)

- I need to wake up with exercise. OK, I have a love hate relationship with exercise. I love the sound of it, but I hate doing it. I got a treadmill for Christmas (at my request I might add), and while that added a lot of humour to the story telling about my Christmas presents, I have made a point of using it this year. I have become an exercise machine, with running my favourite activity (I KNOW! This sounds bizarre even to me!). I've been regularly running 5km, and have been running 6 days a week. When I'm traveling, I've made room for my gym stuff, and have made the commitment to be consistent. While my wake up strategy is not 6 days a week when I'm on the road, I will run 5km at least 3 times each week, with as many days as possible working with weights, yoga and general exercise. This has been my major wake up strategy.

- I am going to date my husband at least one night per month. We went and saw Avatar (his choice) with a nice dinner this month. It was fun, and although we've been married only two years, it has become easy to get stuck in the marriage rut. I don't want to get stuck on marriage autopilot, so the two of us have agreed to put this as a priority.

- I am going shopping in a couple of weeks to update my casual wardrobe. My work clothes are awesome - I love them, but I tend to live in sweatshirts and jeans or yoga pants while at home. I need to step up my home look a bit. Warren is doing the same thing, so we are going shopping together (date!) to spiff up our casual look (and besides, my exercise crazy body needs to be shown off too!).

- My skin is starting to look 44 (my age), so I have been better about washing it, moisturizing it, and taking care of it everyday (even when I'm tired).

So far, this is what I have committed to doing. What are you doing to wake up?

BTW - it feels GREAT to write this stuff down, read it, and commit it to my life.

Memories....

Light the corners of your boss’s mind

Memories can be capricious. Some people remember things more favourably than they actually were, and others seem to remember things as having been far worse than they actually were.

I read the line, "the memory is stronger than the experience itself" in a novel recently. It was referring to a past relationship. It made me wonder if my memories on past relationships are accurate, or whether I've romanticized them a little.

Then I got thinking about how that might apply to our professional lives, particularly when we’re thinking of changing jobs.

What do you remember about your last job? Do you remember that you enjoyed it, that you worked with great people, and that for the most part it was a good fit for you? Or, do you remember that one person who made your life a living nightmare and can't remember what made you stay there as long as you did?

Your memory of that job is likely stronger than the experience itself. Most people I ask either remember all that was good about the experience and forget the bad parts; or they remember only the bad, and forget the good.

Which brings me to my point: What do people remember about you?

Will you be the co-worker, the employee, the friend who is remembered favourably? Or the person who left the company in a lurch, unprofessionally and burned bridges behind them?

What you remember about your past employer isn't nearly as important as what your past employer remembers about you (and passes on to anyone who asks about you professionally).

Are you burning bridges, or learning to deal with difficult situations with tact, professionalism and calm? Are you constantly complaining about your company/boss/ co-workers and everything they do wrong or are you a positive force in the firm? When you mess up, do you own it and apologize, or do you blame others?

In my personal life, I much prefer to have relationships end on friendly terms. There have been times when I may have wanted to say a thing or two, but I have generally held back. I'm glad, because I'd like to think that those men who lurk in my past, remember me favourably and think "I wish...."

Professionally, I have always made it a point to not burn bridges. There are contracts, clients and co-workers with whom I choose never to work with again, but I haven’t felt the need to mention it to them. I’ve kept the information to myself, knowing that the future has much in store for me, and my professional contacts could help me or hurt me, depending on my actions.

Start 2010 “on the right track” by creating experiences, both personally and professionally, that will be remembered positively by others. While you cannot completely control what people remember and what they don't, you can certainly help create memories that are positive.

STOP the Panic!

You can stop awfulizing
(and prevent others from doing it to you)

Many people make things worse than they are and create a sense of panic before there is anything to worry about. These people imagine how awful circumstances can be; and then they worry about it, usually out loud.

There is a new word for what these people are doing, and it makes perfect sense:

Awfulize v. to imagine or predict the worst circumstances or outcome.
Source: www.doubletongued.org.

Warren (my husband) and I spent New Year’s Eve in New York City. We were traveling home on January 1, and while we were checking out of the hotel I asked the desk clerk to please call us a taxi to the airport. The look on her face had me concerned immediately. She told us that today was a holiday and that taxis don’t work on holidays and it would be a very long wait to find one to take us to the airport.

Now, as you know I travel extensively, and in my experience, taxis do not have ‘no-work days,’ especially in a city like New York with a couple of million tourists there for the big countdown. I calmly smiled, and asked her to call anyway. In the meantime, Warren walked outside the hotel and flagged down a taxi within the first minute.

I wonder if a less experienced traveler would have fallen victim to the clerk’s awfulizing. Awfulizing can be incredibly contagious.

Awfulizing the weather

I was off to California earlier this year, and my mother called me before I left to see if the airports were still open. Apparently at that time California was getting quite a lot of rain and they were concerned about mud slides. She began awfulizing about it. I told my mom that even if there were mud slides, the airport would still be open. Rain does not stop air travel (especially to southern California in January).

I remained calm again, and that allowed me to not catch the awfulizing virus she was trying to share (albeit unconsciously).

Are you so calm when it comes to awfulizing? Can you smile, and subconsciously say “I’m not going there”? Are you calm when the weatherman tells you that we are in for a major snowstorm? Are you calm as you prepare for a meeting or a family gathering, even with people you don’t know well? Are you calm at work when you have a staff meeting, or a downsizing, or a new boss on the way?

Awfulizing at work

How about awfulizing at the office? Do you remember the last time you were told that your department was getting a new manager? Did a group of people get together and imagine what type of ogre she was going to be?

Statistically, two out of three people don’t like their job. Why they stay puzzles me, but one reason people stay is that they awfulize about the new job they imagine. They haven’t even applied for another job, but they spend time making the worst of a new situation (that hasn’t even happened yet!) and avoid even looking for that new job because it might be as terrible as they imagine.

Why do we do that? More importantly, how can we stop this bad habit immediately?

Here are some tips to help keep your cool, and to avoid awfulizing or being awfulized:

1) Put everything into perspective. What is currently the situation, what is the worst possible situation, and what is the best possible situation? Once you’ve established the range, look at the most likely situation. Putting everything into perspective allows you to look at (and potentially prepare for) the worst-case scenario, but it will also help you to see that it is not likely to happen. The new boss might be horrible; she may have no management experience and micro-manage you. Or, maybe she’s perfect for you and you’ll end up loving your job and your boss. Reality says that the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. If it is as horrible as I awfulized it, I can get a new job. If it is as perfect as I would like, then I’ll be really happy. Either way, I still can do something to be happy about my new situation instead of worrying that I’ll have a terrible new boss. I avoid awfulizing the unknown by putting it into perspective.

2) Focus on the ‘right now’ rather than the future. Getting caught up in future consequences is classic awfulizing. Stay with the now, and not the future. Worrying about your new boss, or that you’ll get demoted or fired, is not about the here and now, it’s awfulizing about the future. Worry about now… and then revert back to tip #1.

3) Avoid ‘absolute’ thinking, such as always and never. “We’ll never get a taxi in New York City on New Year’s Day” is awfulizing. Even if it was true, it would be better, and more accurate, to say, “It will be difficult to get a taxi in New York City on New Year’s Day.”

4) Use humour, and find something positive about even the worst situation. Make light of the fact that you get to spend extra time in an amazing place like New York. Joke that your new boss will be like the ones on “The Office” or “Mary Tyler Moore.” It’s hard to awfulize when you’re laughing.

Awfulizing is a bad habit that is completely within your control to change. Don’t worry about what you can’t change, and change what you can.

Dealing with Office Gossip

A few years ago, I was the subject of some very damaging gossip. It kept me up at nights, it bothered me during the day, and even had my avoiding (and disliking) the person I felt was responsible for spreading the information.

Initially my plan was to ignore it. I'm sure we're all familiar with "he doth protest too much". I thought that if I addressed the gossip then I was actually adding fuel to the fire, making people believe that it was true.

Eventually, I felt I had no choice and had to confront my gossiper.

I was nervous, as this person had perceived authority in my organization. I was afraid he was going to attack back, create repercussions or worse! Imagination is awful isn't it?

I was prepared, and I was angry. I think my anger helped me keep my cool (at least I didn't cry).

I stated what I was seeing, what I was hearing and that I felt he was the source of this gossip. I came out strong (probably a little too strong), and I was calm (on the outside).

From the results, it was clear that he didn't see this coming, and was immediately put on the defensive. Of course, he denied that he had anything to do with the rumours, although he did acknowledge that he had heard them, and wondered if they were true. I almost didn't answer that question because I was so shocked he would come right out and ask so directly. I did answer and then continued to explain that I needed the rumours stopped immediately as they were damaging to my reputation, both personal and professional.

Gossip has a life of its own, so it didn't stop for quite a while. However, I can tell that this person was no longer associated with any of it.

I am so proud of myself for standing up to my gossip. It wasn't easy and I don't want to do it again. I would if I needed to. It worked for me this time. It won't always work, but if it bothers you that much, it is always worth saying something.

What have you learned from confronting a gossip? Was it worth it for you?

Do you get asked STUPID QUESTIONS?

I admit it, stupid questions drive me crazy!

I was on the phone the other evening, with a telemarketer (they called me) and at one point the person asked for my telephone number! Hold on a second, didn't you just call me?

As many of you know, I am in the final stages of my latest book "Common Sense is NOT Common Practice" and I decided that the stupid question debate would be a good opening. It would explain the premise of the book, as well as provide some entertainment to the opening.

This is where I need your help.

Please submit your stupid questions. I prefer if they are business related, but I will take them all. The shorter the better (I mean without need for explanation if possible), but your stories are great too for the chuckle factor.

Share them here, and who knows, perhaps your stupid question will show up in my latest book!

What would you do?

Have you ever said, "Someday I would love to do that"? We all have. What I find fairly disappointing is the fact that given the opportunity, many people would not actually follow through. Why? Fear? Or because they are afraid of what others would think?

Tomorrow I'm going to put my money where my mouth is, and I'm going to do something I have always said that I would do given the opportunity. I am going to do everything within my power to be a contestant on "The Price is Right". :-)

You're laughing right? Me too, but I'm going to do it. I'm in Los Angeles after finishing a great week of relaxing and golf in San Diego. I'm working on Tuesday in LA, so why fly all the way home to just turn around and fly back? That means I have two days to be a tourist, which is highly unusual for me. So, I am going to be a tourist and do one of those things I have always said I would do!

You've said it too right? Said that if you were ever given the opportunity to attend The Price is Right that you would go? It certainly isn't a difficult game to play, and it looks like fun. So I'm going.

When I told my husband, he laughed and asked if I was serious. Yup. When I mentioned it to Caroline (in my office) she wanted to go with me :-) What would your response be if we were co workers? More importantly, would you go if you had a day all alone in LA, or would you somehow talk yourself out of it?

I know that I'm a little off the wall at times, and do many things that most of you wouldn't do, but I do know one thing - I'm not alone with my willingness to do what other people will laugh at.

So, what have you done, that others laughed at? What are the crazy things on your "bucket list" that you have done? Did you audition for "Survivor" or try out for a game show? What about taken a vacation alone, gone to a movie alone or sent a book manuscript to a publisher?

What about those of you who did chicken out when given the chance? Do you regret it?

I do what to know what you've done, and what you chickened out on, but I want you to really ask yourself if you care if others laugh at your or not? I don't.

So tomorrow, I will be the most excited person in the audience. And even though I'm alone, I will jump and yell and have more enthusiasm for new bedroom carpet than is normal. But I will enjoy it, even if I don't hear Drew say:

"Rhonda Scharf, come on down! You are the next contestant on THE PRICE IS RIGHT!!!"

What NOT to do at Work!

Here is your chance to rant about what thoughtless things your co-workers do. Sometimes others are completely unaware of what they do and the impact that they have on others. Sometimes we think it is intentional, sometimes we are aware that they are innocent (but it is still annoying isn't it?)

Stinky feet, loud talkers, sexy outfits and personal life on display. What else get to you at work?