Resisting Change
I need your advice and help, because I think that I am guilty of resisting change. I got married in 1988, changed my name, and have been Mrs. Rhonda Finniss ever since. Unfortunately, the marriage didn't make it, but in the meantime professionally this is who I am.
I am struggling with what to do with my name.
I have always believed that when a woman gets divorced, she should give back the name she married. Especially if her ex-husband remarries. This isn't a new thought, it is an old one for me.
So, if I go back to my maiden name (Scharf btw), will I confuse my clients, contacts and people within my network?
Should I hyphen and be Rhonda Scharf-Finniss for a while and then drop the Finniss after a year or two?
Should I not care, and just keep the Finniss? (and then, to complicate even more, what happens if I remarry?)
Because it is so complicated, I'm resisting and would love your advice!
Rhonda :-)
I am struggling with what to do with my name.
I have always believed that when a woman gets divorced, she should give back the name she married. Especially if her ex-husband remarries. This isn't a new thought, it is an old one for me.
So, if I go back to my maiden name (Scharf btw), will I confuse my clients, contacts and people within my network?
Should I hyphen and be Rhonda Scharf-Finniss for a while and then drop the Finniss after a year or two?
Should I not care, and just keep the Finniss? (and then, to complicate even more, what happens if I remarry?)
Because it is so complicated, I'm resisting and would love your advice!
Rhonda :-)
posted by Rhonda! @ 10:12 AM
12 Comments:
At 9:26 AM,
Anonymous said…
I'm going to have to agree with Dan on this one Rhonda! Change is a great thing and with change comes great things! "On the Right Track" will always be that, whether you are Rhonda Finnis or Rhonda Scharf!
Give it back, close that chapter of your life and begin anew!
Have a great day!
At 10:47 AM,
Anonymous said…
Go for it, your first name will not change.
After all the policy used in Québec may not be so bad after all, expecilly with the increasing number of divorces.
JR
At 10:47 AM,
Anonymous said…
As you suggested, hyphenating and using Rhonda Scharf-Finniss then dropping the Finniss after a year or two would be least confusing to your contact network and allows a smooth transition. For simplicity, continue to use your maiden name professionally regardless of your marital status.
At 10:49 AM,
Anonymous said…
Go for it, your first name will not change.
After all the policy used in Québec may not be so bad after all, expecilly with the increasing number of divorces.
JR
At 3:48 PM,
Anonymous said…
I know what you mean about the issue. When my husband left, I struggled and decided at the time it was easier to keep my married name for my kids and for work. I felt a tinge of guilt at times for keeping this name I no longer felt entitled to, until someone told me...I married him, I put him through school, I had his children and he left, if I wanted to keep the name...I earned it. I will change it at some point when it is convenient for me...either remarriage, job change or move when I have to change all my info anyway...or die with it...but I don't see it as resistance to change, just a way to keep life simple for now.
At 2:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
Rhonda, I have the same problem. People know me by my married last name, but what if I get married again and have kids...
I will check back, as the advices that you got were really good.
I think I will keep my name for now, but get rid of it when I am ready, maybe when changing my job.
At 6:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
A lady at the office sent a message to her clients and friend to announce her name change as if she was getting married. Why not, have it over with.
JL
At 3:54 PM,
Anonymous said…
"The speaker formerly known as Rhonda" has a nice ring to it. Worked for Prince ;-)
At 3:58 PM,
Anonymous said…
Yes, same thing happened in my office. The lady sent an e-mail to all employees and suppliers, etc advising that due to a recent divorce her name was now such and such. Her e-mail address was modified and no one made a big deal out of it.... I can't even remember her old name now...
Hope you are all having an awesome summer!!
At 12:50 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm thinking that you're leaning toward changing your name. I say, do whatever feels authentic for you.
Thinking pragmatically, you could use both names for a period (whatever the buying cycle of your clients is; perhaps a year?). Phase in the new name with increasing emphasis while phasing out the old.
What about the kids? How do other people handle changing/not changing the kids' names? If wedding bells are in your future, maybe you formally change your last name and theirs at the same time(?). Not sure if this would make them feel included or feel like they were losing their previous identify(?). Mmmm... if you think they're old enough; maybe you discuss it with them?
I know whatever you do, whatever your name is, your clients will still love working with you, because a rose by any other name ...
At 11:29 AM,
Anonymous said…
DAR: Rhonda, I too had this decision to make. I was surprised how much more flexible people are now at accepting name changes - so it will not matter if you are "Finniss" or "Scharf." Taking into consideration the children and your relationship with your "ex" - why not go through a name change for the children and hyphenate their names to reflect both parents. It will minimize any stressors they may feel.
At 10:56 AM,
Anonymous said…
Good Decision. There is nothing wrong with the going back to the name you were born with. By making the change at this point it will have people asking questions like did she get married again, and some will let you know they have been looking for you but could not find you (which is a good thing in some instances). Just a word of advise - having done the same thing several years ago you will probably always be called by Mrs. Finness by your childrens friends. Another great benefit is when people are telephone soliciting and ask for Mrs. Finniss you can honestly say that no one lives at this residence with that name. Telephone solicitors have not figured out how to handle this and just hang up. Enjoy your "new" identity, I don't think you need to worry.
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