Do your friends judge you?
I have a challenge with a friend. She doesn't always see things the way I do, and often judges my actions (negatively) because she doesn't agree. It is a very black and white approach to life. One is right, one is wrong, and there is never any gray inbetween.
Let me give you an example:
We've bought a new house. It's BIG (really big), and I'm really really excited about it. This friend feels that big houses are a big waste of money. She sees our new home (We move in at the end of August) as ugly because it is bigger than she would ever want. No one needs that much room, that much land, and that much extravagance (her words). Therefore, the feeling I get is that I am stupid to buy this home (which is a great investment in my eyes).
My feeling is that if she says that she likes my new home, it would indicate that she didn't like her own home enough and it might 'insult' her husbands ability to provide for her. Does this make sense? She doesn't want to say that it is nice because of being afraid of having that look like envy.
So, I get nothing. I get comments, like "That is a big house". She believes that if you have nothing good to say, you should say nothing at all. So, she says nothing. She asks no questions about the home, shows no interest and doesn't want to talk about it.
This hurts my feelings. I don't need her to say that she loves it if she doesn't, but I feel judged (negatively). Why can't she say she likes "x" or that "y" will be very nice?
Do I approach her on this? Do I say anything? Do I challenge her thinking?
How do you handle when someone judges you? Is there a win/win here or am I being a big baby? What do I do about it?
Rhonda
Please give me advice, ask your own question, or tell us how great your friends are, and what they've done for you!
Let me give you an example:
We've bought a new house. It's BIG (really big), and I'm really really excited about it. This friend feels that big houses are a big waste of money. She sees our new home (We move in at the end of August) as ugly because it is bigger than she would ever want. No one needs that much room, that much land, and that much extravagance (her words). Therefore, the feeling I get is that I am stupid to buy this home (which is a great investment in my eyes).
My feeling is that if she says that she likes my new home, it would indicate that she didn't like her own home enough and it might 'insult' her husbands ability to provide for her. Does this make sense? She doesn't want to say that it is nice because of being afraid of having that look like envy.
So, I get nothing. I get comments, like "That is a big house". She believes that if you have nothing good to say, you should say nothing at all. So, she says nothing. She asks no questions about the home, shows no interest and doesn't want to talk about it.
This hurts my feelings. I don't need her to say that she loves it if she doesn't, but I feel judged (negatively). Why can't she say she likes "x" or that "y" will be very nice?
Do I approach her on this? Do I say anything? Do I challenge her thinking?
How do you handle when someone judges you? Is there a win/win here or am I being a big baby? What do I do about it?
Rhonda
Please give me advice, ask your own question, or tell us how great your friends are, and what they've done for you!
posted by Rhonda! @ 10:45 AM
4 Comments:
At 3:14 PM,
Anonymous said…
Well Ms. Scharf, I am the great giver of advice and I take it just as well! LOL!
Apparently your friend has opinions. They are her opinions and although you may not like them...they are hers. The reasoning behind it is not your problem it is hers! A good friend of mine once said to me, look at where the comment is coming from and ask yourself, does that touch my life? is it important to me? If you answered yes to either one of them, then maybe something does need to be said, otherwise....leave it alone. Different friends are around for different reasons. Some friends make you strong by sharing their strength, some are just there to listen, some to laugh and some for many things all at once! She is special to you for some other reason than to make you feel good about your decision to buy a big beautiful house...take it for what it's worth and move on.
I say....just let me know when to show up and I'll come and be envious of your big beautiful home as long as there is a corner for me to curl up in! LOL!
Congratulations on making the decision to change your name for whatever reason and for taking the next step into a wonderful new adventure for you and your boys!
Cheers!
At 7:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
Well Rhonda Lee, what you have to ask yourself is, if you are truly happy and confident with your decision to buy this house, then your friend's opinion shouldn't matter. Your reply would be "Well we love it!" with a big smile. Now if you bought it with the goal of impressing your friends and they are not impressed, and this offends or disappoints you, then I question your true motivation. Is your pride wounded?
"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble"
At 9:03 AM,
Anonymous said…
But does your home have a big enough kitchen to make your famous chocolate chip cookies? If it does life is good!!
At 3:43 PM,
Anonymous said…
I just came across this after searching "friends who judge." I can tell my friend has an issue with my fiance. Just before we started living together my friend said "so I guess now I'll never see you again" implying that I won't spend as much time with him, and ever since then he's been giving me this weird sort of silent judging; he doesn't say much about her, I think he prefers to believe that she barely exists. When he does talk he has a tone that's sarcastic and demeaning, especially when he talks to my future wife. I decided to give him exactly what he asked for, I don't hang out with him anymore. My fiance is much less judgmental so I win! Good luck.
Post a Comment
<< Home