Dealing with Office Gossip
A few years ago, I was the subject of some very damaging gossip. It kept me up at nights, it bothered me during the day, and even had my avoiding (and disliking) the person I felt was responsible for spreading the information.
Initially my plan was to ignore it. I'm sure we're all familiar with "he doth protest too much". I thought that if I addressed the gossip then I was actually adding fuel to the fire, making people believe that it was true.
Eventually, I felt I had no choice and had to confront my gossiper.
I was nervous, as this person had perceived authority in my organization. I was afraid he was going to attack back, create repercussions or worse! Imagination is awful isn't it?
I was prepared, and I was angry. I think my anger helped me keep my cool (at least I didn't cry).
I stated what I was seeing, what I was hearing and that I felt he was the source of this gossip. I came out strong (probably a little too strong), and I was calm (on the outside).
From the results, it was clear that he didn't see this coming, and was immediately put on the defensive. Of course, he denied that he had anything to do with the rumours, although he did acknowledge that he had heard them, and wondered if they were true. I almost didn't answer that question because I was so shocked he would come right out and ask so directly. I did answer and then continued to explain that I needed the rumours stopped immediately as they were damaging to my reputation, both personal and professional.
Gossip has a life of its own, so it didn't stop for quite a while. However, I can tell that this person was no longer associated with any of it.
I am so proud of myself for standing up to my gossip. It wasn't easy and I don't want to do it again. I would if I needed to. It worked for me this time. It won't always work, but if it bothers you that much, it is always worth saying something.
What have you learned from confronting a gossip? Was it worth it for you?
Initially my plan was to ignore it. I'm sure we're all familiar with "he doth protest too much". I thought that if I addressed the gossip then I was actually adding fuel to the fire, making people believe that it was true.
Eventually, I felt I had no choice and had to confront my gossiper.
I was nervous, as this person had perceived authority in my organization. I was afraid he was going to attack back, create repercussions or worse! Imagination is awful isn't it?
I was prepared, and I was angry. I think my anger helped me keep my cool (at least I didn't cry).
I stated what I was seeing, what I was hearing and that I felt he was the source of this gossip. I came out strong (probably a little too strong), and I was calm (on the outside).
From the results, it was clear that he didn't see this coming, and was immediately put on the defensive. Of course, he denied that he had anything to do with the rumours, although he did acknowledge that he had heard them, and wondered if they were true. I almost didn't answer that question because I was so shocked he would come right out and ask so directly. I did answer and then continued to explain that I needed the rumours stopped immediately as they were damaging to my reputation, both personal and professional.
Gossip has a life of its own, so it didn't stop for quite a while. However, I can tell that this person was no longer associated with any of it.
I am so proud of myself for standing up to my gossip. It wasn't easy and I don't want to do it again. I would if I needed to. It worked for me this time. It won't always work, but if it bothers you that much, it is always worth saying something.
What have you learned from confronting a gossip? Was it worth it for you?
Labels: bully, confrontation, gossip, reputation
posted by Rhonda! @ 9:35 AM
2 Comments:
At 4:09 PM,
Anonymous said…
I have never had to deal with gossip about me, but I have been the receiver of gossip, and I always seem to be the voice of reason in the group, I question is this is a good idea to repeat what someone else has told you, and how would you like for someone to be sharing your personal business in public. I also remind them that this could get them in serious trouble and they should be very careful about what they are saying.
At 11:41 AM,
The Craigs said…
I have learned that simply refusing to participate in office gossip can have a powerful impact on those who are part of the grapevine. Several years ago I was having a drink after work with seven or eight colleagues from work; varying ages and positions within the company. A person not present was mentioned in a derogatory comment, and a couple of people quickly chimed in. At the first pause, I asked a question to the group which completely changed the topic. After a few minutes, someone brought up the person mentioned earlier and continued the derogatory conversation. I stood up, quietly paid my tab, and left. The next day, a co-worker who is also a good friend (and was not present the evening before) came to me and said, "Girl, you really made an impression on Carol (not her real name, and one of the younger, junior people present). She told me about last night, the gossip, how you changed the topic and then left when the gossip picked up again. Your refusal to participate really made her stop and think about what she was doing. As the saying goes, sometimes actions speak louder than words.
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